Kendra Braga
March 29, 2010
Dr. Howard Tinberg
English 11
“Parking Proposal: Second Draft”
Finding a descent parking spot in a lot can be an easy task, but more often than not, a good parking spot is hard to find; especially on a college campus. At Bristol Community College, parking can become a challenge. In the morning, I’m sure that there is plenty of parking spaces available, but as the day progresses, students often can not find a parking spot at all unless they arrive after three o’ clock.
There are parking spots for “the teacher of the month” that are often empty while there are students scrounging around for a parking spot; there are often vacant spots where the students with parking permits can park; there are parking spaces along Elsbree Street which are deceiving with many signs clarifying that “there should be no parking in between signs,” however, there are no specifications as to which signs. While there are several parking lots at BCC, but there are also many students.
After hearing complaints from many students, the conclusion made is that the way to solve a problem like this is simply building another parking lot. Many students have commented on not being able to find a parking spot; not even in the most distant lots! Jacob, a Bristol Community College student, said, “Trying to find a parking spot at BCC is miserable! They should really build another parking lot.” A professor at BCC also complained about the parking at BCC saying, “Parking at BCC is becoming harder and harder. They should build another parking lot to provide more areas to park.” Not only do students complain about parking on the BCC campus, but teachers also find it to be an issue. This may sound like a fix easier said than done, but it will be a change that will most certainly better the school.
As the college grows, the more students there are trafficking in and out of BCC. Lots 3 and 4 can be expanded towards the college, giving students more room to park. Students who actually have a parking permit will have more reserved spots to park their car, thus giving the students an incentive to buying a parking permit as well. To go a bit further, students can be obligated to purchase a parking ticket at ten dollars each, thus raising approximately sixty-nine thousand dollars to put towards building the new parking lot (Bristol Community College).
The cost of a project like this one would cost about sixty thousand dollars for a lot with one hundred to one hundred and fifty parking spaces; depending on the company that builds it. Different companies are willing to work out different prices as long as the project is big enough and worth the bargain. One hundred extra parking spaces alone will be a big help! This will be a good investment because students will be spending less time looking for parking space, and they will have more time to get to their class without being late!
Sources Consulted
"Bristol Community College." Bristol Community College: Information, Academics, Admissions. 2010. Web. 4 Apr. 2010. .
Post write:
I feel pretty good about my proposal. I think I know what I want to say and I put it out there well. I think I get my ideas across strongly and the audience will understand my issue with the parking situation at BCC.
This paper, I think, can maybe use a little bit more evidence because I don’t think it’s as convincing as it could be.
1)Is my problem stated clearly?
2)Do I provide a practical solution? (one that seems clear and doable)
Hi Kendra:
ReplyDeleteI like your questions on your post write.
This is proposal seems clear and your writing fluent (although note some editing errors, below).
The problem is local and important to many. I suggested adding to it some research attesting to the college's rapid growth. What do you think?
I was glad to see you consider some statistical info on your solution: who exactly at the college is providing such an analysis as to cost?
Might you suggest other solutions and costs/benefits, too?
Finally, can you offer a call to action for your reader (who is that, by the way: students? staff? both?)?
spelling? descent
note comma fault: are parking spaces along Elsbree Street which are deceiving with many signs clarifying that “there should be no parking in between signs,” however, there are
rephrase? While there are several parking lots at BCC, but there
note dangling modifier: After hearing complaints from many students, the conclusion
want to give the name of your source? A professor at BCC also complained
You might want to get statistical information on this: As the college grows,