Essay for Application (Draft 2)

Kendra Braga

Dr. Howard Tinberg

English 11

March 1, 2010

America. The land of the free, and home of the brave; sweet land of liberty, and home sweet home to millions of people. When people think of America, the think of the said things and more. They think of the statue of liberty, or the American flag; but most of all, when people from outside peer into the beautiful home we call America, they see freedom and a better life. What they do not see is the cons that are in the country. In cities, there are many homeless people walking the streets and women selling themselves to make ends meet. They don’t see the children that are basically orphaned and put into foster care. The don’t see the people who work so hard to put food on the table, rather, they see the businessmen doing well. That is the life they think of when they think of America. Many U.S. citizens do not pay much attention to these things either, until they are exposed to something else. Although the United States has this, they are still better off than many other countries. Like many others, the American life is all I knew until I was fourteen years old. In 2007, I went on a trip to India and that changed the way I look at life, here in the States and out in the world, forever.

The mission for this trip to India was to visit thirteen orphanages and what I expected was to go help people and make a difference in their lives; however, I experienced something different. While India certainly has its beauty, it also has much poverty. Everywhere there are beggars, abandoned children, and tarp homes. There is a class system embedded into the culture so much that there is clear distinction between the high, middle, and low classes. One image that is burned into my mind is the sight of a rich man’s house with a fence around it, and just feet away were the slums. However, in the midst of all this poverty and sadness, there are people: people who love each other; people who know what it means to stick together through thick and thin; people who can make anyone feel welcome in their home.

I can never forget the first feelings upon arrival in Hyderabad, India. First impressions were made by merely breaking the atmosphere. The smell was putrid. It was something I have never smelled before. After getting off the plane, I immediately noticed that nobody was alone. Everyone was in groups of two or three. This was striking because it showed me that they understand the concept of unity. There was always a mother with her child, or a sister taking care of her younger brother, or a father going to work with a co-worker. There is a genuine sense of unity and care among the Indian people.

Although Americans see homeless people, they are not accustomed to seeing beggars or abandoned children right outside their door. It is simply unheard of. The beggars in India sit on a street corner in a fetal position with an outstretched hand, waiting for a coin, or some food to fall into the palm of their hand. In the same way, the helpless children repeat these gestures, hoping that one day they will receive the expected result. Walking by them broke my heart. There is only so much one person can do. I was fourteen years old with just enough money to get me through the two weeks of my stay, therefore, I did not have much to offer. We were in India primarily to visit orphans; thus, that’s what I was prepared for.

The first thing I noticed in the orphanages was the joy illuminating the children’s faces. They had nearly nothing, yet were content with their metal beds and small, possession boxes. These orphans showed me that ‘stuff’ does not bring happiness; rather, happiness comes through contentment in the heart. Many times the things people get so caught up in can be a distraction from what is really important, such as spending time with those you love or going out of your way to lend a helping hand.

The children also showed me that appropriately prioritizing the things in life is important. Family is one of their top priorities. There are many orphans in these orphanages accompanied by their siblings. Even though they don’t have much, they still care for one another no matter how difficult the circumstance may be.

These are just a few of the things that I learned when I went to India. Coming back made me realize how much even the poorest of Americans have and how fortunate we are to live in a country like this. This eye opening experience made me want to make a difference wherever I am; whether it be in America or out in a third world country. There is a need everywhere. India helped me realize that even the smallest of things can make a world of a difference to someone else. I would like to take what I have learned through this experience and become a nurse so that I can do what I really want to do. Help those in need. I want people to experience care even if it is just for a short time.

Kendra Braga

3/1/2010

Post Write for application essay draft 2

How do I feel about the paper so far?

I like it better than my first draft because it’s a lot more balanced. Tyler was right when he said that I needed to give America some slack and that’s what I tried to do.

What remains to be done?

I think that it can still be trimmed down from 888 words to 700. I just need to figure out what can be left out.

Questions I have for the reader:

Is the introduction boring?

Does the paper drag or does it keep your attention?

Should I have a stronger conclusion?