Trend draft 2

Kendra Braga

Dr. Howard Tinberg

English 11

May 2, 2010

“Drunk Driving Fatalities from 2000-2009”

Second Draft

Whether it be returning home from a late night shift or just leaving a friend’s house in order to make curfew, there are many innocent drivers, young and old, on the road. Although no one ever expects to fall victim to a drunk driving fatality, it happens when they least expect it; and more often than not, those who are sober are usually the ones to feel it the most. Unfortunately, most drunk drivers disregard the safety of others as soon as they decide to start the engine of their motor vehicle. Drunk drivin

g is clearly an important issue seeing that it kills thousands of people each year. According to National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, drunk driving has steadily decreased over the past decade.

This is a photograph of a fatal car wreck which involved 4 young people. The driver and passenger were males and the other two were females. The driver picked two girls up at a party, however he himself was already intoxicated. While they were on the highway, the police reported that they were traveling at about one hundred and twenty miles per hour when they hit a semi-truck. The unbuckled driver died instantly and the girl behind him also died four day later. Fortunately the other two passengers survived (“Car Accident Attorneys”). There are thousands of stories like this one, and unfortunately many people disregard it as irrelevant without realizing that these crashes can have a fatal effect on not only themselves, but everyone else around them.

Although gender is not usually considered when people think of alcohol related crashes, studies show that women age nineteen to twenty four are more at risk of getting into an accident than men are ("More Young Women Killed...”). Up until the late 1990’s, these stories were heard more with male drivers, but once female drivers got more familiarized with the idea, they began to carry on those habits as well (“2000 Drunk Driving Statistics”). Researchers see an increase of women intoxicated drivers, but there was also an increase in teenage drunk drivers. In the early two thousands, there was an increase in driving under the influence; however, this number decreased by two thousand and nine (“2000 Drunk Driving Statistics”). This could have been because there were new laws coming into effect and awareness also grew, causing people to be more cautious about the issue.

An average of fifteen thousand people in America died each year due to alcohol related crashes. Each year the number varied between thirteen and seventeen thousand (Drunk Driving Statistics”). Fortunately people are raising awareness and more people are realizing that drunk driving not only involves risking one’s own life, but also the lives of everyone else around. Although the number has dropped since the year two thousand, there are still thousands of people dying from fatal car crashes. This number should continue to decrease as more laws are being enforced and people feel compelled to change.

Post write:

1) I feel that I have some of my thoughts and everything fits together, but I’m missing a big piece. For my third draft I plan on researching more and finding the missing link.

I need to get more research and finish putting the ideas together. I need to find more evidence to support my main idea in that the number has decreased.

Should I give actual statistics or should I just vaguely reference them?

Is the paper too broad? Should I narrow it down?

Sources Consulted

1) "Drunk Driving Statistics." Talking Bar Breathalyzer Helps Prevent Drunk Driving. Web. 03 May 2010. .

2) "More young women killed in alcohol-related car accidents: researchers call for gender-specific counter measures to drink-driving." Nursing Standard 24.30 (2010): 16. General OneFile. Web. 2 May 2010.

3) Tony. "DUI, DWI, OUI Driving Accidents, Accident Fatal, Death : Pictures and Photos." Car Accident, Auto Accidents, Accident, Car Crash, Lawyers, Attorneys, Wrecks, Articles,Traffic, News, Collisions, Crashed. Web. 03 May 2010.

"Trends First Draft"

Kendra Braga

Dr. Howard Tinberg

English 11

April 26, 2010

“Drunk Driving Fatalities from 2000-2009”

First Draft

According to National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the trend of drunk driving fatalities has decreased over the past 10 years.

2000- Out of all car crashes, 8% were alcohol related.

Out of all fatal car crashes, 40% involved alcohol.

Approximately 310,000 people were injured in alcohol related car crashes.

Of 12,892 people killed in such crashes, 69% were the drivers. The rest were

not intoxicated.

2001- Out of all car crashes, 7% involved alcohol.

Of all fatal car crashes, 41% involved alcohol. 6% of these crashes involved a

pedestrian.

Approximately 275,000 people were injured in alcohol related car crashes.

About 17,448 people were fatally injured in car crashes that involved drunk

driving.

2002- 41% of fatal crashes involved alcohol.

Out of 17,419 people killed in alcohol related accidents, 12,394 were drivers;

making 82% of these deaths the drivers. 4% were under the influence, and the

remaining 14% were sober.

2003- 40% of crashes involved alcohol.

17,013 people were killed in alcohol related crashes.

Of the 17,013 people killed in these crashes, 14,630 of them were intoxicated.

2004- Out of 42,518 fatalities, 16,694 involved alcohol.

39% of all fatalities were alcohol related.

248,000 people were injured in alcohol related crashes.

2005- 39% of car wrecks involved alcohol.

16,885 fatalities were alcohol related.

Of the 16,885 who died, 14,539 were actually intoxicated.

21% of kids that were killed in motor vehicle accidents were in alcohol related

crashes.

2006- 37% of all motor vehicle accidents were alcohol related.

13,470 fatalities involved an intoxicated driver.

15,387 was the total number of alcohol related fatalities in 2006.

8,200 of the drunk drivers had a BAC of .15 or higher.

2007- Of 41,059 total fatalities, 15,387 of them involved alcohol.

That’s 37% of motor vehicle accidents.

2008- 37,261 people died in alcohol related motor vehicle accidents.

32% of all fatalities involved alcohol.

Four people under the age of 21 died every day due to alcohol related car

wrecks.

2009- 37,261 people died in alcohol related car wrecks.

This accounts for 32% of all traffic deaths.

Four people under 21 die each day due to DUI drivers.

Annotation of Article draft 2

Kendra Braga

English 11

Dr Howard Tinberg

4/18/2010

Annotation for “Bowhead Whales, and not Right Whales, were the primary target of 16th- to 17th- century Basque whalers in the western North Atlantic,”

In this article, the author focuses on the issue of whaling in the 16th/17th century. It is said that the the Right Whale was the primary target for the whalers in that time period; however, McLeod gives evidence as to why they were not, and it was actually the Bowhead whale that was the target whale species. Whalers were out to get oil, but little that they knew, they were killing the majority of the whales. In these 200 years, Basque whalers killed roughly 25,000- 40,000 whales including both species, leaving both Right Whales and Bowhead Whales endangered.

The article gives a reader a different perspective on the issue. What I once thought wasn’t that big of a deal, is now a clear issue. 40,000 whales is a lot to kill; especially when they are a slow reproducing species. It’s also interesting to see that et whales migrate according to sex and age. The whalers quickly caught onto this. The author provided solid evidence to his thesis. He described the methods that were used in finding which whale species was the primary target and this is what gave the article it’s validity.

Post write:

I’m not sure whether my summary is too vague or too specific. However, I think I get the main idea across. I added some thought to the evaluation, so I think it’s better than before.

I think my summary needs some work. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel like it’s not complete.

Should I be less specific in my summary?

Article Annotation draft 1

Kendra Braga

English 11

Dr Howard Tinberg

4/15/2010

Annotation for “Bowhead Whales, and not Right Whales, were the primary target of 16th- to 17th- century Basque whalers in the western North Atlantic,”

In this article, the author focuses on the issue of whaling in the 16th/17th century. It is said that the the Right Whale was the primary target for the whalers in that time period; however, McLeod gives evidence as to why they were not. It was actually the Bowhead whale that was the target whale species. Whalers were out to get oil, but little that they knew, they were killing the majority of the whales. In these 200 years, Basque whalers killed roughly 25,000- 40,000 whales including both species, leaving both Right Whales and Bowhead Whales endangered.

The article gives a reader a different perspective on the issue. What I once thought wasn’t that big of a deal, is now a clear issue. 40,000 whales is a lot to kill; especially when they are a slow reproducing species. It’s also interesting to see that et whales migrate according to sex and age. The whalers quickly caught onto this.

Post write:

So far I like the summary. I think I got the general idea of the article in the first paragraph.

I need to work on my evaluation.

Should I include more in my summary?

How can I make my evaluation stronger?

Parking Proposal: draft two

Kendra Braga

March 29, 2010

Dr. Howard Tinberg

English 11

“Parking Proposal: Second Draft”

Finding a descent parking spot in a lot can be an easy task, but more often than not, a good parking spot is hard to find; especially on a college campus. At Bristol Community College, parking can become a challenge. In the morning, I’m sure that there is plenty of parking spaces available, but as the day progresses, students often can not find a parking spot at all unless they arrive after three o’ clock.

There are parking spots for “the teacher of the month” that are often empty while there are students scrounging around for a parking spot; there are often vacant spots where the students with parking permits can park; there are parking spaces along Elsbree Street which are deceiving with many signs clarifying that “there should be no parking in between signs,” however, there are no specifications as to which signs. While there are several parking lots at BCC, but there are also many students.

After hearing complaints from many students, the conclusion made is that the way to solve a problem like this is simply building another parking lot. Many students have commented on not being able to find a parking spot; not even in the most distant lots! Jacob, a Bristol Community College student, said, “Trying to find a parking spot at BCC is miserable! They should really build another parking lot.” A professor at BCC also complained about the parking at BCC saying, “Parking at BCC is becoming harder and harder. They should build another parking lot to provide more areas to park.” Not only do students complain about parking on the BCC campus, but teachers also find it to be an issue. This may sound like a fix easier said than done, but it will be a change that will most certainly better the school.

As the college grows, the more students there are trafficking in and out of BCC. Lots 3 and 4 can be expanded towards the college, giving students more room to park. Students who actually have a parking permit will have more reserved spots to park their car, thus giving the students an incentive to buying a parking permit as well. To go a bit further, students can be obligated to purchase a parking ticket at ten dollars each, thus raising approximately sixty-nine thousand dollars to put towards building the new parking lot (Bristol Community College).

The cost of a project like this one would cost about sixty thousand dollars for a lot with one hundred to one hundred and fifty parking spaces; depending on the company that builds it. Different companies are willing to work out different prices as long as the project is big enough and worth the bargain. One hundred extra parking spaces alone will be a big help! This will be a good investment because students will be spending less time looking for parking space, and they will have more time to get to their class without being late!

Sources Consulted

"Bristol Community College." Bristol Community College: Information, Academics, Admissions. 2010. Web. 4 Apr. 2010. .

Post write:

I feel pretty good about my proposal. I think I know what I want to say and I put it out there well. I think I get my ideas across strongly and the audience will understand my issue with the parking situation at BCC.

This paper, I think, can maybe use a little bit more evidence because I don’t think it’s as convincing as it could be.

1)Is my problem stated clearly?

2)Do I provide a practical solution? (one that seems clear and doable)

"Parking Proposal: First Draft"

Kendra Braga

March 29, 2010

Dr. Howard Tinberg

English 11

“Parking Proposal: First Draft”

Finding a descent parking spot in a lot can be an easy task, but more often than not, a good parking spot is hard to find; especially on a college campus. At Bristol Community College, parking can become a challenge. There are parking spots for “the teacher of the month” that are often empty while there are people scrounging around for a parking spot; there are also often vacant spaces where the students with parking permits should park. There are parking spaces along Elsbree Street which are deceiving; there are many signs which clarify that “there should be no parking in between signs,” however there are no specifications as to which signs. There are many parking lots at BCC, but there are also many students.

After hearing complaints from many students, the conclusion made is that the way to solve a problem like this is simply building another parking lot. Many students have complained about not being able to find a parking lot; not even in the most distant lots! This may sound like a fix easier said than done, but it will be one that will better the school.

As the college grows, the more students there are trafficking in and out of BCC. Lots 3 and 4 can be expanded towards the college, giving students more room to park. Students who actually have a parking permit will have more reserved spots to park their car, thus giving the students an incentive to buying a parking permit as well.

The cost of a project like this one would vary between $40,000- $60,000 for a lot with 100-150 parking spaces; depending on the company that builds it. This would be a good investment because students will be spending less time looking for a parking space, and they will have more time to get to their class without being late.

Smoking Banned On BCC Campus

In June, 2010, the Fall River campus of Bristol Community College will be putting forth a new smoking policy. Smoking has been allowed outside of buildings throughout the campus, but it has been decided that smoking will no longer be tolerated on campus at all.

While some students at BCC don't smoke and can tolerate the students that do, there are others who are not fond of second hand smoke. Some of these nonsmokers are neutral and don't mind when there are a few people with cigarettes outside of the buildings. They see it as minding their own business. Other nonsmokers are upset while walking by because of health issues or they just don't like the smell.

It is said by some of the smoking students that smoking is their own business and they should be able to go outside for a smoke if they want to. Other students say that they don't mind the new policy considering that they understand the health risks there are to the second hand smokers.

This policy will go into effect on the first of June and students will then either have to stop smoking during class hours, or take it to the street!